What are you scared of ?

 I am scared of almost

Anything and 

Everything

Water being one of them

Drowning, to be specific

(and doesn't have to be water specifically)

But one can be scared of something

Still long for it, right? 

(a lot can be on the list) 

Anyways

I've been feeling like this

For a long time

Drowning, that is

Don't take it for dying

That is different

Dying is disappearing

And drowning is........ 

Well, 

Not disappearing

I guess

So that day

The day when I was in the water

I was scared

And I stayed in a corner

(Like I always did) 

Then I went down

Submerged myself

I wanted to be swallowed

I wanted to stay there

A little longer

But my lungs gave up

If only one could 

breathe underwater

They say water has memories

But why did it have mine

Well then it must have a brain as well

For it selected all the miserable ones

The ones where I stayed in a corner

All of them

Why did water do that

I wanted to ask

So, I went under

A few more times 

I kept floating

I kept thinking

Of all the places

Where I don't belong

Water being one of them

Because I can barely balance myself

And those other places

Where I want to belong

But am tired of making space 

Weirdly,

After a while

I was less scared 

So, I went into the deeper side 

On tip toes 

Forward

And deeper

Then I let go

The land beneath 

disappeared

(Or drowned, should I say) 

I clutched the tube tightly 

(Yeah, I had a tube all along) 

What if I let the tube go as well

I thought

But then that would be 

Real drowning

So, I returned to my corner

Where one could always drown

Safely

(hmmm....)

What am I really scared of? 

I went in again slowly 

Opened my eyes under water

I gasped and came out

Took all the air in

(I got the answer) 

If I pinpoint one thing

Then am scared of getting hurt

(Physically, emotionally) 

Every other fear 

has just stemmed from it

When I was young

Me getting hurt

Was a big deal for everyone

I liked slides

But they were wary of letting me play 

with other kids

What if I get hurt, they were worried

Always

So, either I stayed in a corner

or on the swing or merry-go-round

Waiting, all alone

For my turn 

That often came 

After everyone was gone

Me falling

Was another big deal

As if I am a ceramic

That would shatter into

a thousand little pieces

at the slightest push

And other kids were made of iron

Maybe this is the reason

Why I always protect myself

No matter what

This was the answer

That water gave me

Why I am scared of

what am scared of

Now I won't call it a poem

It doesn't flow

It is too long

What should I call it then

Yapping (the Gen Z word) 

I had nothing to write

So, I wrote nonsense 

But it is my nonsense 

That makes sense to me

You read it till now

Because my nonsense

Might have made some sense to you too

SO, what are you scared of ?