Dream or Nightmare

In my dreams 

I see these bizarre doors

Always locked from the inside

And a distorted figure

Standing outside

That would be me perhaps

No, I am sure, that is me

Definitely 

Distorted

Because one can't see 

Oneself in the dreams

Otherwise they break 

Sometimes 

I get close to the door

Put my ears on it

But the stench of silence 

Engulfs me whole

And I try to utter a distant name

When the door opens

Some unfamiliar syllables enter 

And I runaway out of shame

To ignore the fact

That I am a liar

Sometimes 

I tremble with fear

Too scared to shout

I hear screams

Crying my name aloud

Another door opens

A thick shadow darts out of it

Looking for me

But I warp and hide in a corner

To ignore the fact

That I am a coward

Sometimes 

I just stand in front of it

Unable to move

Then the next I remember 

I am inside the room

Fallen on the ground 

Still unable to move

Another shadow above me

Trying to put its claws in my neck

And I do not call for help

Just to ignore the fact

That I am a sinner

But then I looked at the door 

(For it was ajar)

This time from inside

And I saw a face 

Familiar yet disguised

Who saw and heard things 

That were meant to be hidden

Said that this dream 

Was always forbidden 

For the doors always opened

To the realm of reality 

And that's when I looked again

And saw my own visage

Filled with disdain 

And that's when the shadow melted

Into an ugly dark soot

Started swallowing my veins

While on the other side

Numb and frozen I stood

Then I woke up with a start

Heavy in my head

Something clutched my body

And synged my heart

The shards of the broken dream

And the odour of a nauseous sin

Effaced it all

And I sat wondering 

What was that bizzare dream ?